When my grandmother feels that she's overdressed, her common remark is, "I look like a circus horse." If she goes out without makeup or her without hair curled, she'll say she looks, "like a foot." She's filled with sayings like that.
"It's dark as a pocket outside."
"I'm dressed like a flapper."
"I feel like a nickel."
One of my favorites is "My back is falling off." Your back can't fall off; it's what's holding everything else together. Your arm can fall off, but your back is pretty much secured in place.
With that being said, my back is falling off.
It started hurting yesterday and today I can't even bend down. I stayed home today, but thanks to our company-issued laptops, I can continue working on the project I started yesterday without missing a beat. Plus I get to stay in my pajamas and rest my back against a stack of pillows. All for giving up the ability to bend at the waist. Not a bad trade-off, really. I just took some expired Bayer (10/04), which eased the pain a little but made me sick to my stomach.
And why does my back hurt? Well, I haven't slept in an actual bed since November, and I haven't slept in my own comfy bed since August. But if I've been sleeping on the air mattress for that long, why didn't it affect my back until now? For the past two nights, I've pumped the bed up extra firm, maybe my back can't handle it. Michele likes it the way it is, but fortunately, we have the model that lets you adjust the two sides separately. I'll let a little air out of my side tonight and see if I feel any better tomorrow.
I get back pains every now and then, and the other guys at work like to give me a hard time because you're not supposed to have these problems at my age. But I've got this swell little disease called Kyphosis. Basically, my spine curves too much. In high school, I wore an extremely uncomfortable brace to bed. I didn't wear it nearly as often as I should have, but that thing hurt like hell. Aside from crushing my insides, my pointy collarbones alway rubbed up against the metal crossbar and the neck hole dug into my adam's apple. Fun times.
Michele says if I'm still hurting tomorrow she's going to take me to the doctor. I really do not want to do that, because the last doctor wanted to break all my ribs and reset them into place. I'd be in a full body cast for nearly a year, but after that I'd look and feel like a normal person. Incidentally, the dentist wants to break my jaw to fix my overbite. What is it with medical professionals wanting to break me?
