I know you can't see it, but right now I'm doing the Dance of Joy. That's because we're finally (mostly) moved into our NEW HOME! I'm sure you want to know all about the move, but right now I want to share with you something I learned yesterday. I like to think that this blog, while ocassionally entertaining, is also ocassionally educational. Just like, as it turns out, unsolicited emails for sexual performance enhancers.
Unlike all the other emails touting a "SPECIAL 70% DISC8OUNT[sic] OFER[sic]" and exclaiming, "Just disolve [sic] half a pil [sic] under your tongue and get ready for action in 15 minutes," this one had "Order status, mummy wheat" as the subject line. Now, most of the junk email that manages to slip by my standard-issue spam filter have completely nonsensical subject lines like, "Your future, mud-exhausted," (which actually showed up in my inbox just now as I was trying to think of an example typically stupid subject line) but something about "mummy wheat" just struck me as funny. So I checked it out online to see if that word coupling had been used anywhere else.
It turns out mummy wheat isn't just some word salad in a spam email, there really is something called mummy wheat. It's wheat that was found in Egyptian tombs in the 19th century by Napoleon's army. It was believed that the 6,000 year old grains had regenerative powers, perhaps mystical in nature, and if planted, could yield seven ears of wheat. This wasn't true, of course, they were far too old to grow anything at all, but at the time, people we willing to pay good money for a few grains.
So thanks, HansHill@01com.com, for sending that informative email. Now I know.
And knowing is half the battle.
By the way, when I was looking for an image from a G.I. Joe PSA, I found this. It's a site split into two categories, Realms of Faith, and the Complete Guide to G.I. Joe. Yup, someone out there created a website with a section called What Jesus Did and posted pictures of his personal vehicle collection. Yikes. Just yikes. I don't know, I've got an Obey Giant parody sticker of myself dressed like a butler on my site, am I really in any position to make fun of this guy? Let's check out a bit of his bio...
"I enjoy a wonderful family life with my wife DeKay and my daughters Snert and Plasma. Just kidding, I'm single."
Yeah. Think we saw that one coming there, buddy.
So what have we learned today? We learned that there is such a thing as mummy wheat, although agriculturally speaking, you'd be better off planting an old shoe. We learned that your purchase of online performance-enhancing pharmaceuticals is absolutely confidential and secure. We learned that Jesus Christ and Cobra Commander can coexist peacefully in the same little corner of the internet. And finally, we learned the answer to the question, "What's the saddest headline ever?"
